What Does Your Favorite Super Mario Character Say About You? We’ve Got Some Theories.
We used real data science to find out which people love which Super Mario characters most. Then we used not-so-real psychoanalysis to explain what we found.
Photo: Nintendo
For many of us, “Mario” is more than just a name — it represents the world where we settled childhood disputes, whether through hand-to-hand combat in Super Smash Bros, high-octane racing in Mario Kart, or, if you were some kind of nerd, through tennis in Mario Tennis. The characters you identify most with speak to something deep in your character: are you an Italian plumber, or are you that same Italian plumber’s brother, who happens to also be an Italian plumber? Are you sort of like one of these Italian plumber brothers, but you’re evil and have a pointier mustache? Are you Donkey Kong?
We’re taking a look at readers’ favorite characters from the iconic series of Nintendo video games. We at Ranker have the data to scientifically speculate which groups of people love which Mario characters the most, thanks to the 91.8k votes on our list of the Best Characters in the Super Mario Universe. We also have the ability to very unscientifically speculate about what all that data means. Here are a few things we learned about people’s taste in Mario characters, and a few more things we completely made up for the fun of it to explain what we learned.
Canadians Prefer Bowser Jr.; Americans Like the Koopalings
Photo: Ranker
Canadians are technically subjects of the Queen of England, which explains their respect for hereditary rule. As Bowser Jr. is clearly the heir to Bowser, there can be no debate that he is more worthy of Canadians’ respect than the Koopalings, whose family origins and class status are murky at best.
Americans, on the other hand, fought a war to reject exactly this type of thinking. We have a firm belief in meritocracy and the primacy of market relations. The Koopalings were hired as Bowser’s minions presumably because they were the best for the job, and are therefore clearly more qualified than some guy who happens to be Bowser’s son. It’s the invisible hand of the market, not the line of succession, that should determine who is best at carrying out Bowser’s whims.
Red States Vote Toadsworth; Blue States Like Waluigi
Photo: Ranker
Those who live in states that are more likely to vote Republican than Democrat favor Toadsworth because they respect the authority that comes with age. Youth is flashy and exciting, but Toadsworth has the kind of wisdom that only comes with age and experience — wisdom like, “Use the A button to jump, Master Mario!” and, “The A Button is key!” That’s the kind of mind-opening insight that makes this elderly fungus more interesting to Red State voters than, say, a flying dinosaur, or a mischievous ghost, or literally any other character.
Blue states have chosen Waluigi as their favorite character. We try to be unbiased here at Ranker, but it’s hard to see this and not conclude that Democrats are the party of chaos and deception, keen on using all manner of trickery to take away everything that Americans hold dear. The thought that anyone who sympathizes with the amoral pervert Waluigi is allowed to use the internet, let alone participate in our democracy, is scandalizing.
Women Love Luigi, Men Want to Be Yoshi
Men cite Yoshi as their favorite character in the Mario universe. Yoshi is a male character, yet he has the power to lay eggs. It’s easy to see what’s going on here: men are envious of the power to create life.
Photo: Ranker
Yoshi represents the attainment of the impossible ideal, blessed with the traditionally feminine ability to bring a child into this world without having to sacrifice his traditionally masculine identity. He “de-genders” the biological processes of reproduction by weaponizing them — when Yoshi swallows his enemies and then “births” them, he does so with the intent to harm his enemies, not nurture them. He thus both reaffirms and destroys the gender binary, standing in the divide between “male” and “female” and, in so doing, revealing it to be an illusion. Whether consciously or unconsciously, men love and fear Yoshi because within his reptilian form is the key that will free them from the prison of their own masculinity.
Meanwhile, women say Luigi is their favorite character because they are normal.
Voters in the Mountain West Respect Donkey Kong
Photo: Ranker